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https://youtu.be/hLQl3WQQoQ0

I will be strong

Just a little something for you, This song kinda says how things are at the moment, But my passion and love do not die, It didnt die all those years ago, And it wont die, even if it gets a little hard at first Just know you have my heart and soul and you are missed every sleeping and waking moment.

So wherever you may be dont get scared dont fear the worst, Just think that there is this soul thinking of you and loving your heart and soul, As always I am here waiting on your love.

What can I say to show you that your place should be with me, I have said and explained it all the time, but you chose to live a life that doesnt give you more of what you want.

Let me give you or atleast try and give you what you want atleast with me I will give you that love and touch you desire, and I will never give up on that love, let me heal you, let yourself heal me, let us hold eachother under the moon and kiss softly as we watch our child play under the stars.

I love you I dont just say that, I speak it from the heart and I would do anything for you even just a touch of your skin or a wink at you from afar, maybe a smell of your hair, but regardless you are all I have ever wanted all my life, and while I hid from you, I never stopped loving you, there would be days that your name came up and all I saw in my mind was you beautifull smile and cristaylized eyes.

There was times I had been in my darkest moments. but just the thought of you gave me that smile, there have been somany times I would be so depressed and sad but its always you that made me happy.

So thats why this time in my life is hardest because I need you, I want you and want to grow old with you.

AS I LOOK

As I look back on all the good times and even some bad times and to where we have come now, we have covered a lot of ground, I look back at all the stuff we did maybe an art piece maybe a love poem, or maybe just a short letter looking for eachother.

As I look back on all we did, it brings a tear to my face, but also brings a smile to my lips, Cant explain why I action this way or that way, And now things have really pushed our hearts forward.

As I look behind us and see all the good and bad, I only know that I cant erase the bad from our memories, but Im glad I cant erase the good times. there was a good connection and there is one today. A connection that seems pretty strong, and its not an ifatuation or even lust, but much more then all that, its a love that has been growing over time, even a love that has grown so much stronger.

AS I look forward, I see a Vivid future of me and you, walking down a rainy sidewalk holding hands, letting the rain fall on our faces.

AS I look forward, I see a future of us building something that we have always wanted for so long, a future of us bringing something special into this world. And a future of where we can finally touch and allow that love to finally grow into what it was meant to be.

And As I look forward I see a future that only I want with you, because I have loved you for so long and everytime we say goodbye I break down everytime you walk away, thats a feeling I dont want to re-live.

So as I look at you I can only see a future that I want, and a future you want,  a future with a kiss, a future with a ring, and a future with passion, a future with me and you.

If I saw you today I would cry and wouldnt let go of you, as I would have tears down my face, I would grab you and just kiss you, and never let go, my love is not just some thing, its the type of love that I would do anything for you and do anything to make you smile.

What can I say, there is nothing I can say, all I know is I wont be the same, I always want you happy and would do anything for your happiness, but if its to shatter my heart then I wont be the same, I can only accept what you wish.

I dont want just a moment with you, I want a lifetime with you, I want to be there for you when you cry or when you are down, I want to be there for you to hold you tight, and I want to be there to pick you up.

As always Im here for you and I will never turn you away, Ill never hate you, I will never block you, I can only give you my heart.

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I know I made a mess of things all those years ago, but honestly I would make it up with a lifetime of love and passion, because thats all I have for you, this love is no lust, it is how I have felt all these years, the passion I bring you isfrom me to you now and forever.

Some say that these could be just words written down, but for me it is how I feel, and always will, and theres no changing that, I can hide my feelings and live a normal life, but I dont want a normal life, I want a life with you. and if thats normal then ok but if its wild and crazy then so be it thats what I want with you, because a life without you just wouldnt be the same, it would change me for sure. Im not the same now always wondering what you will do. and it just breaks my heart into pieces at the idea that I cant be with you. Honestly I wont be the same I would just burry all that stuff inside for another ten years, And live the NORMAL life or maybe the world has other plans for this soul, I honestly cant take this pain anymore it dwells deep within me. Over the years I have thought of you and always wondered what you were doing and wondered if you were looking up at the moon as I was, Over the years as life was going by Feelings and thoughts came to me and just wondered what you were thinking, maybe it was all the pain I caused or maybe it was that smile, and for all the pain, I can never forgive myself.

But what I can do is love you till the end of this time like I always have, Not a day has gone by that I have missed your voice, your cute laugh and sexy voice, or that creative art you bring to the world. I even miss the fights because in reality maybe thats how I held onto you.

And as I have grown not only in age and life, I have grown to know that all of me loves all of you, with all your good and all your bad, It dont matter to me because All I want in life is for you to grab this mans hand and start that adventure. But what can I do. onlything I honestly know is that I love you and always will.

Life is hard  to give up is the easy way, I have never been one to just give up especially about something so passinate to me, I guess life would be easier for everyone if I did just give up,  I just cant stop what the heart desires :(

You do what you need to do I cant stop you or change what you have planned, and I can not forget you I never will, I been living in darkness for 10 years and while I do want the best for you. I do love and care for you more then you realise,

I cant move on from you, while it is easy for you too i guess understand. I will be here like I have always said my door is always open. and i honestly mean that. I can not close the door from something I have loved for so long.

Im glad you wrote me that first time, Thats all I ever wanted over those ten years, and its not "HOPE" you do it because you have wanted something too. I think we both know I bring something great to the table, As for me in my situation, not sure what to say about it, I know for sure Im not happy in that situation and there will be a time when I  live for me, what does that mean I dont know.

What else can I say that I have already said, I dont know, I wish you the best in your safe life, but sometimes theres a deeper feeling within us all. and sometimes its hard to avoid that.

its sad it really is sad how you want to deal with this because I know we have helped eachother in these wild emotions, But I will say it again. Im here for you if you ever need a kind soul to laugh with, discuss and talk my door is open always and my heart is always open, and that will never change.

UPDATE: 10/19/2016

Just a small note before we get to the poem I wrote, Not sure why your friend had to go and change your acount or flip the Quisty one with the jedi one seemed strange, but anyways, I hear that you are not well and this bothers me so much, so much that I can fall to my knees and just cry there, because All I care about is that you are ok, I am sorry if I have caused you more drama then you ever needed in your life, I just want you healthy and a smile, I have tried to walk away but honestly I cant I cant walk away from something that my heart hurts for, I honestly feel that sometimes I do put a smile on your face All I wanted was to be a part of your life :(   But you are crossed in a number of things, I hate communicating like this but this is all I have to communicate with you and I will say this I hope you are ok and I honestly am heartbroken that you are not doing well :( that is something I never wanted, please get well and please be safe :(

10/15/2016: Walking in the rain

So as I walk in the rain I see all the drops of rain drop it reminds me of all the tears that I have dropped, My mind is like chaos, it plays games with my sights, I walk in the rain and while my heart still weighs heavy, It will always be heavy, I only wish to see her smile, the soft touch of her beauty, and the beautifull spirit that is within, it is hidden by her own pain and it always seems to find her, even when she is mean and brutal to me I continue and take it all, the pain is very heavy.

She holds onto something and keeps it close, she pushes it away, only to hold it, she sees two worlds, I can see the pain in her words she can try and hide it but its there, I dont want to be the one she hates, I dont want to be the one she attacks, I dont want to be the punching bag.

I only want to see her smile, I only want to make her happy, I only want to take the pain away,  I only want to hold her and look her in her crystalized eyes and stare forever, I only want to live a life with her in it.I only want to embrace her heart.

The pain continues and the hardest part of my pain is not being a part of her life, or speaking with her and listening to her soft beatiful voice, it pains me that I cant enjoy laughs and creativity like we once did.

I do wish her the best, and Ill always be here for her whenever she needs, I miss her smile, I miss her laugh, and I miss her friendship.

I never want to hurt her, I only want her smile to be good, because the pain and frounns she makes is what makes me cry. I will always respect her wishes but I will anser if she ever called on me or asked for time with me.

The rain continues, and I continue to walk in the rain as my tears fall from my face, but if anything she must know my heart will always be here for her.

This is still one of my fave shows from back in the day,  these two were my fave characters . wish the show never ended.